You and Me, Always
by NALEY23alwaysforever
Summary: "Do you love me? Do you trust me, enough to share everything with me?" Linstead AU set in S4, after Jay moves out


**A/N: so, this was originally supposed to look a lot different than the story that I've written for this prompt, but the idea kind of took on a life of its own halfway through writing it and I'm now sitting up at 2:50am having just finished it.**

**It feels a bit messy, but honestly this time in their relationship was also really messy so I feel like it suits that. I hope you guys like it, I've got a lot of one-shots in the works that I'm hoping to start posting for you soon…**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_**PROMPT: He was jealous of her with another man. She was jealous of how he didn't seem to miss her, not even a little bit. Because she was drowning without him.**_

"Alright, we've been here long enough." Voight's gruff voice echoes through the bullpen "Finish up and head on out. I'll see you all tomorrow."

Ruzek smiled wide as she sprung out of his seat, grabbing his jacket off his chair "Alright, about time. I need a drink, Molly's – you guys in?"

Olinsky scoffed as he headed towards the back stairs "It's 8:45 Ruzek, the only place I'm going is home to my bed."

The young man rolls his eyes "Well, now that we've weeded out the weak ones … What about the rest of you guys?"

The guys all nodded, Adams gaze homing in on Erin who was focusing intensely on the paperwork in front of her. She finally looked up when she realised everyone was staring at her, waiting for an answer.

"Actually, I have plans…" Erin trailed off, Jay looking at her sceptically.

Adam frowned "You've bailed on us the last four nights, Lindsay!"

Erin shrugs, looking back down at her paperwork "What can I say Adam? You should try to make plans more in advance than five minutes before you want to go somewhere, maybe then I can schedule you in."

"Come on Erin, what could be more important than hanging out with your work family? You got a hot date or something?" Adam chuckled.

Jay stiffened as he heard the words, Erin shifting uncomfortably in her chair laughing awkwardly.

"The only date she's got is with me, Adam." Kim pipes up as she walks up the staircase into the bullpen "Erin's gonna be my wing-woman for the night."

Ruzek's mouth dropped open at his ex-fiancée's words, quickly regaining his composure "Well … that's perfect then! You can come to Molly's and wing-woman there, we can all help make sure Erin's doing a good job."

Kim laughed "Yeah, my idea of a fun night out with my friend doesn't exactly involve my almost-husband and three of his closest male friends interrogating every man Erin tries to set me up with."

"Oh, come on Darlin'. I thought we were passed all that. Let us help you pick out your next Prince Charming; between the three of us and Erin, I'm sure we can find you a fitting suitor."

"Who said anything about Prince Charming? I'm just looking for a little fun."

Erin smirks at Adam clearing his throat as he tries to think of a witty comeback "Sorry dude, I told you I had plans. Next time don't push."

Jay steps in now, grabbing Ruzek's arm and pulling him along before he can dig himself a deeper hole.  
He looks back at Erin "Okay, well we're gonna head to Molly's. Maybe we'll see you there later tonight?"

Erin nods back "We'll see, depends if I find Kim a suitable prospect or not."

"Okay, well … I guess we'll see you tomorrow then. Have fun." Jay says quietly, pushing Adam towards the stairs as Antonio and Kevin follow behind looking at each other knowingly.

Erin sighed as she heard the gate buzz open and slam shut behind the boys, indicating that they had left the bullpen.

She turned her attention to Burgess "Thanks for the cover."

Kim smiles and waves her hand dismissively "No problem, I didn't really feel like going out anyways. Adam's a bit high-energy after a few drinks, and I'm way too tired to deal with him tonight."

Erin hums in reply and gets up to leave "Well, I'll see you tomorrow Kim."

"Erin, wait." Kim says rushing to her "I know we're not exactly best friends but … how are you doing? I mean, I struggled to work in the same District as Adam after I broke off the engagement. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to go to work when your partner was also your boyfriend."

"Well, my boyfriend is out drinking and having the time of his life with our friends every night while I sit in my apartment that feels emptier without him in it." Erin blurted, her eyes widening as she realises what she's said "Oh God, I'm sorry Kim. Just forget I said anything, I don't want to drag you or anyone else from IU into our mess- "

"Erin, it's fine. You're not dragging me into anything. I asked you how you are. And for the record, if we were picking sides, I'm on yours." Kim says reaching out her hand and placing it on Erin's shoulder "Have you spoken to Jay about how you're feeling?"

"Why would I?" Erin rolls her eyes "He and I haven't exactly been speaking lately."

Kim shrugs "I mean, they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else? Why don't you let me wing-woman for you?"

"Jay just needed some space to figure out his shit, that's all." Erin says walking to grab her bag from under desk "We're not broken up … are we?"

"I mean, I saw them chatting to some of the girls last night at Molly's," her eyes widen when she sees Erin's face drop "but it was probably just Jay being polite."

Erin felt her heart sink at Kim's words, her eyes prickling with the threat of tears. She had heard the young officers downstairs talking amongst themselves, going on and on about how the hot Detective Halstead was available again. She had ruled it out as just idle gossip, but Kim's news was making her think otherwise.

Did he really think they were broken up? And if he did, why the hell was she at home every night crying herself to sleep while she stared at the empty space where he used to lay wrapped around her? If he was having fun, moving on, then why shouldn't she?

She shoved her emotions down, clearing her throat and looking at the other officer "You know what? Let's go out."

"Are you sure?" Kim hesitated.

"Why not? If my boyfriend-who-I'm-on-a-break-with/potentially-broken-up-with wants to go to Molly's and flirt with every bimbo he sees then why can't I have some fun too?"

"Erin, that's not what I- "

Erin begins to head down the stairs "Fuck this. Fuck him. Let's go, Burgess!"

* * *

Jay took a large sip of his drink, bourbon burning down his throat. The rest of the guys had gone home leaving Jay to wallow in his misery like he had been every night. Ruzek had made it a mission to take him out every night in an attempt to cheer him up, but he just couldn't enjoy himself.

All he could think about was being at home with the girl he loves. A home that he wouldn't go home to, because he couldn't be the man that Erin deserved him to be. His eyes glanced to the couple at the bar. They were looking at each other like they were the only ones in the room, and Jay felt his heart ache as the woman wrapped her arms around her partners neck and leaned in to kiss his cheek.

"_All I'm saying is, why are we dancing around? Voight doesn't have a problem with it, everybody knows, so why are we still trying to hide it?"_

"_You got a good point." Erin smirks as she puts her hand out "Do you want to hold my hand in public now?"_

_Jay smiles, leaning down to kiss her, pulling away before they could get too caught up in themselves._

_Erin chuckles "Or, that. We should get out of here."_

Dammit, he missed her. He hated being at Will's. the bathroom had no space. His brother always left an empty milk carton in the fridge. And his couch was more uncomfortable than sleeping on the ground in the Army.

But most of all, it didn't have Erin. He avoided going to Will's house until the last possible minute; the more time he spent sitting on his brother's fold-out couch, the harder the reality of their situation hit him.

The bell on the entrance door rang out, jay looked up and smiled. It was as if the universe had heard his thoughts. Erin walked into Molly's smiling at Hermann behind the bar as she took a seat in the booth by the front window.

Maybe this was his moment. He could get up right now, walk over to her and tell her he wanted to come home. He could tell her how sorry he was. How badly he had screwed things up. He could kiss her in front of everyone, just like he had done once before. He still had so much shit to sort out, but he wanted to do it with Erin by his side. He _needed_ her by his side to get through it all. He just needed to be willing to break down his walls and let her in. They could figure out the rest later.

He sculled down the rest of his drink, the alcohol providing him a warm buzz and just enough liquid courage to stand up. The bell rang out as Jay took a few steps towards her. Jay stopped short as Erin waved, finally turning his attention to the man who had just entered the bar. He smiled widely at her, rushing towards the booth as Erin shuffled further in so he could sit next to her.

Jay felt his heart drop as the man leaned into her whispering in Erin's ear, and her head tilted back as she laughed loudly. The sound reached his ears and his heart fell further into his stomach as he felt his walls come back up.

Who was he kidding? He couldn't do this. He had hurt her so much, and she was moving on. He couldn't really blame her. He just always assumed she would wait for him, but they had never really discussed that, had they. They said they would take a break but hadn't taken the time to define exactly what that 'break' meant for them. Was she done with him?

Erin turned to look at him, eyes wide as he stood still in the middle of the room. Jay stuck his hand up awkwardly waving at her before heading clumsily to the bar. Erin returned the gesture before turning her attention back to the man in front of her.

"So, that's him?" Erin nodded in response "Well I can definitely see the appeal."

Erin rolled her eyes "shut up Julian. I'll be right back."

"Go get 'em tiger." Julian winked at her, heading to the bar to grab them some drinks.

Erin's nerves grow the closer she walks to Jay. She feels like a 16-year-old girl about to ask out her crush. It was ridiculous, the way he could make her feel so giddy inside. She wanted to be mad at him after what Kim had told her earlier this evening. But here was, sitting alone nursing his drink and Erin began to think that maybe what Kim saw was as innocent and polite as her friend had tried to tell her.

"Hey." She choked out awkwardly.

"Hey." He mumbled back.

They stared at one another in silence, neither sure of what they should do next.

"Thought you guys would've al headed home by now, considering how lightweight you are." She joked hoping to break the ice.

Jay chuckled into his glass "Is that why you brought your date out? Thought none of us would be here to see." He asked and took a swig of his drink.

Erin steps back, shocked. Did he seriously just say that to her?

"What did you just say to me?"

"You heard me." Jay bit back "Whatever, it doesn't matter anyways, he's not good enough for you."

"What the fuck?" Erin looks offended "How dare you? You can't spend every night out with the guys, flirting with every blonde bimbo that walks by, and then act like you still care about me."

"_I_ haven't been flirting with anyone, but clearly you've been busy." Jay griped sculling his drink down.

He had no idea how he'd gotten from sadness over seeing Erin here with another guy to completely enraged at the sight, in only a matter of minutes. But he was pissed off, and the drinks he had knocked back tonight definitely weren't helping him keep his cool.

Erin scoffs back "Oh please, I've heard the stories around the precinct. Every patrol officer that wants in your pants can't stop gossiping about all the guys from Intelligence hanging out at Molly's every night, trying to lock down Detective _HalStud_. You want to sit here and tell me that he's not good enough for me? No way, you don't get to do that. Not anymore."

She turns and walks away before he has a chance to say anything, leaving Jay sitting in shock. Erin gets back to her table and grabs her coat and purse from the seat, turning around and almost knocking into Julian with their drinks.

"Everything okay?" He asks her.

"I'm sorry, I just really need to go." She pulls out a twenty from her purse, but Julian shakes his head.

"Don't worry about it. I'll see you later?"

"Definitely." Erin kisses his cheek, eyeing Jay watching them intently "Thank you for the talk, enjoy the rest of your night."

Julian smiles placing the drinks down on the table "Oh I will, I'm sure one of these lovely ladies or gentlemen here will be better company than you've been tonight."

Erin laughs weakly "I appreciate you listening to my sad complaints all night, more than you know."

"Eh, don't worry about it. I'm used to being the therapist for my friends." Julian waves his hand dismissively "Go home, get some rest. Tomorrow will be better."

"Can't get any worse." Erin sighs and heads for the exit "Goodnight."

She turns back to look at Jay, his eyes still trained on her. He gets off the bar stool, grabbing his jacket and moving towards her, but she simply glares and shakes her head at him as she walks out the door.

The cold Chicago air slams against her and Erin pulls her coat tighter around her body as she begins trudging through the layer of built-up snow on the pavement. She had left her car at the District since Julian had picked up her and Kim.

She couldn't believe the turn this night had taken. All she wanted was to get out and have some fun, instead of curling up on her couch with two-day old takeout before crawling into bed alone yet again. She wanted to stop feeling sorry for herself for just _one_ night and let go of her problems. She should've known better. Nothing ever happens the way she wanted it to. Life had never dealt her a good hand, so why would she think for even a second that things would turn her way.

"Erin!" She flinches as his voice hits her ears, but she ignores it, picking up her pace.

Jay keeps calling out to her, trying to walk as fast as he can to reach her, the alcohol in his system weighing him down. He stops yelling her name after a few minutes, realising she was going to keep ignoring him.

"So, you're just going to walk away?" he yells

Erin turned around, walking backwards now as she looked at him "You're the expert on that, aren't you?" she yells before turning around and walking full speed ahead.

"Oh, come off it, Erin. You're the one out on a date with a guy who isn't, oh I don't know … your _boyfriend_!?"

Erin stops abruptly, anger filling her in an instant. She turns around again, walks the short distance back to where Jay was standing and stops mere inches from him, face-to-face.

"Well I'm sorry, but I wasn't exactly 100% sure you were still my boyfriend up until about five fucking seconds ago!" She yells, pointing her finger at him and jabbing it into his chest, "_You_ don't get to be pissed about this! _You_ left Jay! _You_ said you needed, whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. _You_ gave me the impression it was just some time apart, but that we were still together. Yet _you're_ the one out here every night chatting up whatever woman gives you the time of day. I was just supposed to assume we were still in a relationship after that!?"

Her jabs grew harder with ever sentence she spoke, his chest aching at the visceral and physical hits she was landing. Tears built up in her eyes yet again, but she refused to let them fall. She wasn't going to let him see how much he was hurting her. No, right now she was telling him off, and that felt _really_ good.

"I was just being polite! The only thing I've been doing with any of those women is helping set the rest of the guys up with them!" Jay exclaims "And regardless of if you thought we were broken up or not Erin, I thought you loved me enough to wait until the bed was cold, or at least until you knew I wasn't coming back into it!"

Erin presses her hands against his chest and shoves him hard, taking them both by surprise. Jay stumbled back shocked as Erin's eyes went wide, her mouth dropped open at his words.

"Are you fucking _kidding_ _me_ right now? I haven't even _looked_ at another man like that since the moment you kissed me in that bar nearly a-year-and-a-half ago!" She said pointing at Molly's in the distance "so don't you _dare_ try and make it seem like I didn't love you, because you know I did … you know I do."

Jay felt his anger die down, her words sobering him.

"I hate how mad I am, Jay! I hate feeling like you're blaming me for everything that's going on with us right now. I didn't ask for any of this! I _begged_ you not to leave. I told you that we could get through this together, but you just wouldn't let me in! You didn't trust me enough to help you carry whatever it is that's weighing you down so much."

Jay shook his head "That's not- "

"You know, I'm not even mad about you blaming me. I'm mad that you don't seem to be upset about this break or break-up, or whatever the hell it is, not even in the slightest. You seem to be moving on with life as if I didn't mean anything to you. While I spend every night curled up in my empty, quiet apartment crying myself to sleep. And now I'm left wondering why the hell I'm even doing that because you don't seem to miss me, or even care at all!"

Her breath was heaving as she ranted at him, letting out all her pent up frustration.

"And for the record, Julian is Kim's childhood friend. We all went out for dinner tonight to celebrate him moving back to Chicago and he wanted to go out for a few more drinks, so I offered to take him because I didn't want to go back home. _Our_ bed has been completely empty, much like the rest of our apartment has been, since you walked out on me!"

She felt her anger winding down as her emotions finally pushed their way up and spilled out. Erin shook her head as she looked at him. What the hell were they doing? She didn't want to be this person, standing in the middle of the street yelling at the man she loves. This wasn't the kind of person she is. This couldn't just be what they had become, not after everything.

Her words sobered Jay quicker than anything. His body sagged as it all crashed into him. He was so busy focusing on hiding his pain, that he had failed to see hers.

"Erin …" He whispered softly, at a loss for words.

"Just forget it, Jay. Forget I said anything." Erin says and turns away leaving Jay standing in the snow.

Jay snaps back to reality, running after her. Her reaches for her as soon as she's within his proximity, his hand wrapping around her wrist. Erin tries to shake him off, but he pulls her into him. Jay lifts her chin up so she can't avoid his gaze, and that's when he finally sees the teardrops marring her cheeks. He keeps a firm grip on her wrist while his other hand cups her cheek and uses thumbs to gently wipe her tears.

Erin allows herself to lean into his touch, revelling in this moment of vulnerability between them. She had missed his touch; it had felt like years since they had been this close. She can feel herself on the verge of crying, desperately trying to hold herself together.

"I'm so sorry, Erin." Jay whispers softly, letting go of her wrist and wrapping his arm around her waist tightly.

He should've known better; she has abandonment issues and knew that. And he still choice to walk out on her. To walk out of their home. Even though he knew his intentions were in the right place when he did it, he didn't think about much doing so would bring up insecurities from her past. And now tonight, he yelled at her in the street and basically accused her of cheating on him.

Jay's eyes met hers, swollen and bloodshot from crying and an obvious lack of sleep that he was only now noticing. He doesn't know what to say to ease her hurting. How can he prove to her that he still cares for her, still loves her, when he's hurt her this badly?

His eyes travel down to her lips. They look so soft, and he knows they are from the rare times that she's cried in his arms before. And he does the only thing that he can do in this moment. The only thing that he knows will show her how sorry he is, how much he loves her and wants her.

Jay leans down and kisses her, just like he did in the bar so long ago. He kisses her long and hard, trying to convey the feelings that his words cannot express.  
Erin feels the world slowly fade away as his lips touch hers. It feels like home. She lingers for a moment, until she feels his tongue press against her bottom lip. It suddenly pulls her back to reality.

Erin pulls away breathless and takes a step back trying to create some distance between them. She pulls her sleeve down over her hand to wipe her mouth as she begins to pace back and forth. She could taste him, her lips tingling still, and it was the last thing she needed right now.

"Dammit Jay, you can't just kiss me and think that's going to fix whatever this argument has escalated into." Erin sighs.

Jay takes a step forward, reaching for her hand "That's not what I was trying to do, baby. Just let me- "

"No. Just … just leave me alone, Jay. I can't keep doing this with you, sitting in this constant state of uncertainty. It hurts too much." Please." She whispers.

This time when Erin rushes away from him, Jay lets her. He's unsure how he fixes this, and now more than ever he's left to wonder if there is even something left to fix anymore.

* * *

Erin sat quietly on her bed as she dried her hair with a towel. She had needed that shower more than she realised, her body now felt more relaxed and her mind felt clearer. She was physically and emotionally drained, and she was looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow.

She had texted Hank on her way home and told him she had woken up from her sleep feeling violently ill and didn't think she would be able to come in to work in the morning. But honestly, she just didn't want to deal with Jay yet. So, she decided she was going to ignore it until she saw him again. It probably wasn't the healthiest approach but fuck it, she thought; if she didn't want to deal with it right now then she wasn't going to.

The soft knock at the door distracted her and Erin threw the towel over her bedroom door as she walked down the hallway. She assumed it was her Chinese food delivery. In all the chaos of tonight she hadn't had a chance to eat and once she'd had a moment to herself to think she realised just how empty her stomach felt.

Erin grabbed her wallet from the table next to her front door, pulling out enough cash to cover her food and a generous tip before opening the door.

"Hey, how's your nigh'" She stopped talking as blue eyes met hers, her takeout bag firmly in Jay's hand. He must've intercepted the delivery guy before he'd had a chance to knock.

"What are you doing?"

Jay shrugged "It was easier this or the spare key, and I didn't think that would go down too well."

Erin let out a tired exhale "It's already been a much longer night than I anticipated Jay. I just want to eat my dinner, crawl into bed and put this day behind me. I'm really not in the mood to go round 2 with you right now."

"I'm not here to argue with you Erin, I owe you an apology, several apologies really."

"Jay," Erin groans "Let's not do this right now. Just give me my damn food."

Jay passes her the bag but blocks her attempt to shut the door in his face, his hand pushing back firmly.

"Five minutes. That's all I'm asking. Please."

Erin glares at him for a minute, "You've got until I finish eating."  
Letting the door go she walks towards the kitchen to grab a fork and stand at the counter to eat.

Jay follows her in, standing across from her "I got defensive tonight. You were calling me out on my shit, and I didn't want to admit that you were right. I shouldn't have walked out like I did. And for that I owe you an apology."

Erin's eyes stay focused on her food, eating quietly while she listens to him.

"I need you to know this Erin. It wasn't that I didn't trust you to be able to handle my issues, I knew you could. But you always do that, for everyone. You take on others burdens like they're your own. Just this once, I didn't want you to have to deal with another person's shit. I wanted to protect you from my pain, but in doing so I caused you more hurt than I could've ever imagined."

"I know it wasn't your intention to hurt me Jay. I understood why you left. What I don't understand is how you could sit there every day and act like everything was okay. It's not okay, none of this is okay." Erin expresses.

Jay nods "I know. I didn't mean for it to come off like that. I was just trying to put on a brave face, because I knew if I told you I was struggling then you would try to save me. And I didn't want you to make this your cross to bear. I miss you Erin, please don't think otherwise. I miss being your partner both in our professional and personal lives, I miss being here in our home with you …"

Erin slams her fork down on the counter and looks up at him "Then come home!"

"It's not that simple, Erin." Jay sighs

"Actually, it is. I get that you need to deal with your PTSD, I get that you need to deal with this shit-storm that your _wife_ has brought with her. I get that you have a whole shitload of other stuff to deal with, but so do I. But why do we have to be apart in order to work through our issues? Why are we both making ourselves miserable doing something neither of us really wants to be doing?"

Erin takes a deep breath, trying to control herself. She walks around the kitchen counter to stand in front of Jay, taking his hands in hers. This was her chance to lay it all out. If she wanted trust from him, then she needed to be honest with him about her feelings in return.

"Why won't you let me all the way in? You say it's not about trust, but how can it not be?" Erin says sadly "You pushed so hard for me to open up to you, even before when we were just partners; with my addiction, Charlie, Bunny, my Dad … You wanted to be the one who was there for me. You wanted me to let you in and show you the real Erin Lindsay - flaws and all - which I did. Why won't you do the same with me? Why won't you let me be there for you?"

"… It's hard Erin. I've spent my whole life since my Mom died dealing with everything myself. I never had anyone I really love or trusted enough to share everything with, especially all of this." Jay says softly

"Okay, answer me this Jay. Do you love me? Do you trust me, enough to share everything with me? Because I love and trust you, but if you're doubting what you feel for me, after all this time …" Erin looked down at the ground, choking up as she tried to say the words "then what are we really doing here?"

Panic grew in Jay's chest. He held Erin's hands tightly as he pulled her into him, moving to wrap his arms around her shoulders, holding her to him.

"Of course, I do Erin. I want to let you in, I want you to know everything. I just don't know how. I don't know where to start." Jay replied, his voice conveying the helplessness he felt.

Erin leaned her head back and looked up at him "There's no right or wrong place to start Jay, just tell me what you're comfortable telling me. And we'll figure out the rest as we go."

Jay lets out a deep breath leaning down to rest his face in the crook of her neck, Erin moving her hand to gently play with the hair at the nape of his neck while her other hand gently ran up and down his back. They stood in each other's embrace, holding one another tightly, letting their conversation hang in the air.

"Okay." Jay whispered against her skin "I can do this. For you, I can do this."

Erin brought her hand to his cheek and pushed him back so he was looking at her "It can't just be for me, Jay. You have to _want_ to do this. Baby, you need help. There's no shame in that. You've been through so much, we both have. It's a wonder we've made it this far in our relationship without professional help."

Jay let out a short laugh, playing with the strands of wet hair falling in front of her face as she continued, "I don't want you to feel like you owe me these things, you have to _want_ to open up to me. That's how this works; I never would've told you all those things about my past if I didn't feel safe with you."

"I'm scared Erin. The things I've gone through, the things I've seen, it's a lot for one person to take on. I know that better than anyone." Jay whispers "Anyone I've ever tried to open up to leaves the second things get too heavy. I think that's why I left … Because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it this time; if you walked out on me because it got to be too much. Because you saw just how fucked up I truly am." His words grow bitter, the disgust he feels towards himself evident in his voice.

"Hey." Erin says firmly, staring Jay straight in the eye "I need you to hear me when I tell you I'm not going anywhere, okay? You can give me your absolute worst Jay Halstead, because I love you. And your past does not define your future. It doesn't change the way I see you in the present. You taught me that," Erin smiles "You showed me that there is always one person who will overlook your past, your flaws, and see the person you are today. The person you're working hard to be."

"You did that on your own Erin. You're so strong and so brave, I'm in awe of all that you've had to overcome. I wonder every day how on earth I got lucky enough to find you. Sometimes … sometimes I don't think I deserve to be loved."

"Well that's too bad, because I love you Jay, I thought that I had been in love before, but I've never felt love like this." Erin implores "and at the risk of sounding even more cheesy and romantic than I already have tonight, I know that I love you more than anything or anyone how many times do I have to say that before you get that through your thick head?"

"I'll let you know when I find out." Jay smiles faintly "I love you too. I'm so sorry for the way I acted tonight, I don't know what came over me. I saw you with that guy, and I just … I felt like you were slipping away. I got scared, I lashed out and tried to push you away instead of just telling you what I was feeling."

"Tell me now." She asks quietly.

"I wanted was to tell you how much I missed you. How, it felt like a piece of me was dying without you. I wanted to tell you how much I missed coming home to you. And that I was sorry for causing this distance between us, and letting it affect our partnership at work. Because regardless of everything else that we got going on, I'm supposed to have your back always. All I wanted, more than anything, was to tell you I love you and to stand in that bar and kiss you in front proudly, in front of everyone, again."

Erin smiled widely, tears falling from her eyes for what felt like the millionth time that night. She stood up on her tip-toes, grasping her hand on the back of his neck and pulling him down to kiss her.

Jay dropped one hand to her waist and held her face with the other, keeping her as close to him as possible. This kiss felt different than their earlier one. That kiss had been full of longing and heart-aching tenderness. But this kiss felt passionate. It ignited a spark within their hearts, and a feeling of safety that could not be put into words.

This kiss felt hopeful.

They came up for air a moment later, Erin laughed lightly as she buried her face in the crook of his neck wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

"I've missed that sound," Jay smiled and kissed the top of her head "So, what does this mean? Where do we go from here?"

"Well I'm hoping it means you're coming home." Erin nervously asks.

Jay hugs her fiercely "Nothing would make me happier."

"Good, I've missed you." Erin whispers against his skin before leaning back to look at him.

"Me too Erin, so much." Jay breathes out "We're gonna be okay, right?"

"Of course we're going to be okay. I know we have got a lot to work through, both individually and as a couple. But we're gonna get there, together. It's you and me, Halstead. Always."

"You and me, always." Jay repeats with a smile, "I like the sound of that."

**A/N: I hope you liked it! It's been a while since I've really had a chance to write, so I hope it was good and readable lol**

**Please leave a review and let me know what you thought! I can't wait to share some more stories I've got planned … **

**Until next time x**

**\- Maddie :)**


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